I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
