So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
