he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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