I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
