Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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