wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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