Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
