Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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