A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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