I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
