It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize