Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
