If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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