My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
did you just send me my own nude
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
