I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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