Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Porn is love you can see.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
50% drunk capacity currently
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
