He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
