I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize