Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
