Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize