fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
