I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
