I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
