I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
