So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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