After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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