ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just found puke in my bra..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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