he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize