Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
