so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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