some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
