Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
