someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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