Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
