So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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