I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
