I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
