listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
