I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Terrible idea I love it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
