just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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