sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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