i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
