I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
