so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just made my gag reflex go away.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
