we have pet lesbian snakes
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
