he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
