Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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