when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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