their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
