Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
