It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
