I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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