ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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