Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
