I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
