He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
