remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
