he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
