I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
