Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
