You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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