i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
