rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
