All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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