All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
