I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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