Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
