Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
