Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
