"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize