You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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