so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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